found some of my old stuff. yay!

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i can't lose enough blood.
i gash my leg unintentionally
then gash my arm purposefully
i realize what i am doing, but it really doesn't matter
my friends are killing themselves slowly
why shouldn't i
they smoke themselves into a haze
or drink until time has no meaning
they hurt themselves and me
why am i not allowed those rights, too?
they are unaware of my deception, but i know of theirs
i wonder if they care if i kill myself
i care of they do

i check my wounds
most are internal, but some are not.
i must tend to those internally
before i allow the external ones to heal



To A Friend

you say that you do this for pleasure
i think you are lying

what is your problem
why are you doing this to yourself
i just want to understand
i don't want to pass judgment
that is not my role
i am your friend, and i care

your new "friends" aren't all great
why give in to the negative pressure
that you get from them

i know that you have dealt with
some of the consequences,
but new ones will arise
and they will be worse than the current ones

i know that i can not make it better
by making you discuss it with me
i want you to make your own decisions
but if they continue to be so stupid
i will have to tell, and someone will listen
even if it means that i will lose you




Love, the fickle friend
today Jess told me that she loves me
she asked me to marry her
she was telling our friends of our engagement
leah said that she had dibs
they started to fight
i watched with interest
they asked not my opinion
so i left them both




Serendipity, a haiku
serendipity
the finding of something lost
only to lose again




Untitled
he says it is the easy way out
maybe i’m not as strong as people think
“tell people,” he says.
i have told some people
there’s not much they can do
We had a talk about this today
he said for every bad thing
i should write six good things
i don’t know if i have six
i called some friends
told them i couldn’t stay here
there are knives in the kitchen
i couldn’t help but find one
i felt the blade
“it’s not sharp enough,” i thought.
i just had to do something
something small
unnoticeable
i used a safety pin
it was hard
life is hard
i watched as i repeatedly
scraped at the skin on my arm
blood came slowly
it wasn't a big scrape
just enough to draw blood
i don’t know why i did it
he said it would get better
i don’t know if it will

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